Choosing A Lifetime Partner

Social and Counseling Day at St Pauls Highfields

Today I was invited as a guest speaker at the Social and Counseling day, St Pauls Highfields Harare under the theme:

“Make a Choice, Get up and Go…” Joshua 24:15, Micah 2:10 & Deut 1:6-8”

The event was being organized by the Anglican Youth Association of Harare. Some of the guests included Mrs Avril Dhlamini, Rev Fr B.C Gwashero and Pastor Rupere. When I got a phone call from Mrs Dhlamini requesting me to go I was a bit hesitant. Coming from a very long and hectic working week, I was planning to dodge the invitation so that I will allow myself to sleep in and take some much needed rest. But when I woke up this morning, I told myself that I must go regardless how tired I was & indeed, I don’t regret the decision; If there is one person who benefited the most from this event, it was me.

I had an opportunity to interact with the youths and get to know them and did a bit of mentorship and motivational speaking. Fr Gwashero had the following words to share with the youths:

Fr Gwashero –Choosing a lifetime partner

In whatever we do, it is important to know what we stand for and be clear with what we want out of your lives. It is important to acquire wisdom from God and make it our daily bread. Principles of choosing a life partner are crucial and they have a huge effect in determining our future. As we move from the primary stage to secondary stage in life, we need to understand the responsibilities that come with adulthood. As a Christian it’s crucial to try living a mistake free life by all means. When it comes to marriage, note that marriage is a sacrament and it is a covenant that should never be broken. Once you decide to marry someone, make sure it goes according to God’s will and that you don’t regret the decision. Once you say I do on your wedding day, know it’s a sacrament that gets to be sealed in Heaven and should not be broken. It is not a heat and run situation like in a game of cricket.

Here are the seven principles that should guide us in the process of choosing a life partner


1.Do not marry a non believer who will compromise your faith.2 Corinthians6 vs 16-18. Light and darkness should never mix. Ask yourself is the person you call your girlfriend or boyfriend challenges your faith to keep growing? Does he/she inspire you to be a better person and make you keep growing in Christ? Does she stand in the values of God? If not, you may have to reconsider. If you meet a non believer, no matter how handsome or pretty or attractive they maybe, if they refuse to go in the line of God ask them why they don’t like God. If you can’t change them, then its best you change your route and leave them alone but keep on praying for them that maybe one day they will see the light. Don’t ever ignore the important fundamentals and the red flags. Don’t be deceived by the looks alone or physical aspects. Know that courtship and dating is like examination time, don’t ignore the fundamentals!

2.Do not get married when you are too young. Marriage is for adults, who can make deep-seated decisions. Getting married and starting a family comes with a lot of responsibilities that require a lot of dedication and commitment. Getting married while in your teens is highly discouraged. If you marry while too young, chances of getting divorce are high as well.

3.Do not marry based instant feelings of lust. Marriage is more that the physical appearance of someone and satisfying immediate feelings. There should be more substance, something that will still hold you together even when all the good looks are gone.

4.Sexual intercourse is designed for those who are married. There should be clear understanding that marriage is a fusion of cultural, mental, physical, intellectual, social and sexual connection between a couple. You should be able to relate with your partner in all aspects of the fore mentioned. You should be able to bond with whoever you wish to marry. If you start occupying your mind with sexual desires while still dating, it corrupts your mind and will lead you into temptation and the urge to indulge in sex with your partner. And this is not favorable in the eyes of God.


5.Do not get married under pressure. Internal and external pressures are both included here. Never get married from self induced thoughts like “I am ugly, I may never find anyone else who will love me as much, or I am too old now, if I wait any longer no one is going to marry me”. Never allow yourself to succumb to pressure, wait on God’s time; it is the best. Do not marry because your family is putting you under pressure and all your friends have families. If you are not ready and if God is telling you otherwise, be patient and listen to His voice.

6.Do not get married as a status symbol because it is like building a castle on sand, the foundation is not strong and is bound to crumple. Everyone was created different by God and have a different calling, so if everyone around you is married and has a family; stand strong in your faith knowing that at the right time, God makes everything work for the good!


7.You should marry someone you have thoroughly taken time to know and understand. Don’t be blinded by love at first sight. Take time to know your potential partner, what they like and what they don’t like. Always be assertive and know what you want, know yourself and what you stand for. Ask yourself what you want out of your relationship and make sure you don’t compromise. You may never fully understand a person but do get to know the fundamentals & see if you can tolerate them or not before you say yes to marriage. Do not marry someone you have known for less than a year, spend time together and get to know each other. Above all be responsible and take care of yourself.